wanna go halves on a baby?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
