i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
