I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
