your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
