she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
