Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
