if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
