1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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