yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
