How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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