Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
