he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
