I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
