I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
it was like eating out sand paper
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
