i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
