I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
