it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
