She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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