Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize