Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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