State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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