Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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