Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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