you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
