Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
