I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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