I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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