he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
