Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize