The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
