I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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