We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
