That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Im just a social blackout drinker.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize