I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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