How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
