Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize