I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
