he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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