I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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