Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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