I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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