"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
