I murdered the dance floor call the cops
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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