There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
