i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize