i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
