I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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