Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
