Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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