I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
