So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
