Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
