is your mom at the bar?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
