his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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