I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
