If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
