i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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