i jhust puked up my retainher.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
