i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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