I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
