I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
