no, he came in my armpit
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
