By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
