last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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