So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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