My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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