You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
