Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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