she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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