Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize