Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
