This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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