where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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