I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
