I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
