Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
