Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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