If that was your dad, he is hot
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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