we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
