i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
