just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
