I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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