About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
