I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
