I don't usually arrange sex via text message
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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